...and adventure with a purpose

Ryan and I ventured out today with a purpose. Finding somewhere new to live.

You see, we've been "renting" from family for... umm... about a year now? ...and it's time we move on. Time to cut the strings, time to really be on our own.

Anyway, we're on a relatively, ok, scratch that, very tight budget--especially since I'll be done working THIS THURSDAY! YAAHHEEE!!!* ...so our options were already somewhat limited, to the point we were looking at one-bedroom units.

BUT, it looks like we might have found a place... seems as though my three? four? days of computer time, phone calls and spreadsheets have paid off and we just might be set! We have seen these apartments before, but we'll go tomorrow to check out a two-bedroom unit with the purpose of "seeing" our stuff in there before we commit and quit searching.

So there you have it... our newest adventure, and boy am I ever glad this is happening now, and not at, oh, say... eight months into this pregnancy??






*I know you're all thinking... "tight budget, and she's QUITTING??" But let's put this into perspective here. I currently work 15, YES, only fifteen hours per week at a job I, well, hate. It's at a school, and the last day of school is this Thursday (I still get giddy typing that...) and it'll just be easier to quit at the end of the year than to drag this on through summer and potentially into next fall. I also hardly make more than I'm paying in gas to drive there and back every day... and we'll only be moving farther away within the next couple of months. So couple those factors in with my sanity, my ever-expanding mid-section, and our own personal decision for me to be a SAHM (YAY!) and you get... QUITTIN' TIME!!

Claiming my happiness...

That's it. I'm just claiming my happiness. A new friend of mine gave me that term, and I have to admit, I love it!

This week is going well... Ryan's first day at his new, improved job was yesterday. He had a great time, and I am so happy for him... and proud. He loves his new co-workers, he loves the new store, and the drive, which we were a little worried about, really wasn't too bad! Nice!

Spring break is just around the corner... as of Friday, I'll be a free woman for a whole week! A WEEK!

My plans include finishing the SDIBAN, including finding, purchasing and hanging curtains and some shelving for our little collection of stuffed animals, which totally belong in the SDIBAN. The furry critters are currently piled in two big baskets... they deserve a place of honor... on pretty, shiny new shelves! The other item I'm on the hunt for... those prism crystals you hang in the window to create rainbows with sunlight. That way, there will always be rainbows in the SDIBAN.

Yep, that's it. Just claiming my happiness.

TGIF!

I find it wildly depressing that I've come to live for Friday again... when I wasn't working, when I was pregnant and anxiously waiting for our little munchkin to arrive, the days didn't really matter to me. Friday, Saturday, Tuesday... each day, I had time to myself to get done what I wanted...

Now, I feel like I have to cram a majority of my life in on Saturday and Sunday. For weeks now, I've been trying to get my taxes done... for weeks now, I've been talking about finishing my living room painting project...

Now, I understand that most of you reading this are going to think I'm whining. I'm not. Well, maybe I am, but I guess this is just one more of those things that makes me feel slightly bitter about what has happened.

If this hadn't happened, I wouldn't have this job, I wouldn't have to live for Friday. But I'm coming to accept this as reality, coming to understand that maybe, some day, my time will come and Friday's won't matter so much once again.

Now, that being said, I do enjoy being out of the house for a few hours every day... and I enjoy the fact that I get to bring home a paycheck. I'm enjoying these things in place of what I was anticipating, but that's ok. For now.

Kids are cute...

Today I finally met with the principal at the elementary school where I am now employed. While I was there, I toured the building, met an assortment of teachers and staff whose names I will not remember, got an ID badge, and learned a little more about what I'll be doing.

I saw my classroom, which I will share with one other Paraeducator, as we're called. I learned that I, unfortunately, do not look any older than the students from the high school who come over in the afternoons to tutor the kids.

I was introduced in a classroom by name, and all of the kids responded with a cheery, "Hiiiii, Mrs. Weedoooooon..." It was pretty darn cute. Made me feel old though, yes, even after finding out I look like a high school tutor.

While I was talking with the principal about some of the kids, and tools I'll need for disciplining them, he said, "well, do you have kids?" and I hesitated for a split second before answering "no." Truth is, I do, and you all know that... but I don't HAVE my kid... and I'll never have to discipline him, so for the purpose of my conversation with this man, my boss, who really doesn't know me very well yet... I just said no. I felt so crappy for saying no, like I'm not doing Brody justice, but what was I going to do? Spill the whole story right there in his office?

Anyway, back to the job, I think it's going to work out. I'm still not thrilled about the whole thing, but I'm beginning to feel more at peace with it. Now, what are they going to think when, hopefully within a month or two of starting my job, I find myself pregnant again?

Update

Ok... well, today didn't exactly go according to plan.

Last night before bed, I wasn't feeling very well, but tried to brush it off and just figured some sleep would make me feel better. Boy, was I ever wrong! I ended up spending most of the night awake, with fever, chills, body aches... you know, the flu.

So I called the principal with whom I was supposed to meet, and asked if maybe we could reschedule for next week. I explained that if it weren't for the fever, I'd suck it up and come in, but really I didn't want to share my germs with all of those kiddos in the school.

So, because of the MLK holiday and what-not, our meeting has been pushed to next Wednesday. Stinks that it's a ways off now, but I'm ok with that. It'll give me some more time to collect my thoughts, I do believe.

Thanks for cheering me on, everyone... now, back to bed I go.

My future, it keeps changing...

Today I was offered the job I interviewed for last week. The interview panel felt that I would be a good fit for the job, although the principal, when he called, warned me that I would likely feel like I was in over my head until I am able to get my bearings and learn more about working with younger children.

I was offered the job based on my beliefs, and my personality... not on my specific qualifications, it seems! Don't get me wrong, I'm still qualified, I've just never worked with a group of younger kids liked this before on a long-term basis. My teaching experience only really comes from the class Ryan and I taught in college... to college aged students.

This feels bittersweet... this isn't where I was supposed to be right now. It feels like even more of an end to what has happened to us.

But, the past is the past and the future is, well, the future. So tomorrow I'll put on my happy face and head in to meet with the principal. I guess he's planning on giving me a bit of a tour and stuff. My future has changed, once again.

As usual... I'll post about it, probably tomorrow, to tell my loyal readers about what I have found out.

Broken cameras and new career dreams...

Does anyone else feel like the holiday season is slowly drifting by, somewhat unnoticed, or is it just me? Yep... probably just me. Ryan asked me the other day if I was excited for Christmas, and my only response was to shrug my shoulders and blurt, "eh... I guess." Don't get me wrong, it'll be nice to give out the gifts we've searched for over the last month, and it'll be nice to share big meals with friends and family, but I just don't feel excited, or ready, for Christmas. I told myself many times that I'd have a cute little baby belly going by Christmas, and I had started shopping for a cute sweater to wear to dinner. Now, I feel like I'll be lucky if I break out my red sweater from a few years ago in an attempt to look somewhat festive and happy.
That's ok though. Not every holiday has to be perfect, and life goes on, even if I don't feel the same this year about Christmas.

On the subject of Christmas, I was finally able to get a couple of photos of our silly, sparkly white tree. Here it is!

First, a close-up view of the big gingerbread cookie star:


...and here is the whole tree:


Speaking of photos... the camera is toast. It would cost well over $100.00 to ship it off for repair, and at that rate, it would be more effective to just buy a new one. But, my mom happened to come across the camera we bought when we were in Europe last summer due to my mush-brain forgetting the charger at my parent's house. So that means we've got a camera to use until we get something new... I'm going to ask everyone to go in together to get me this for my birthday:



I've realized over the last few days that I want to do something with my life. I mean, duh! Who doesn't? But I want something more... I don't want to get up every morning, get ready for a drive to a job that I don't like for various reasons... and then come home, cook dinner and go to bed. Instead, I want to have fun at work! I want to PLAY and be paid for it. The difference in the realization this time around is that I actually feel like I have the power to do something about it.
So, as crazy as it might sound, I'm going to do some research and see what it would take to start something related to photography. I might take a class or two as a jumping off point. I'd love to eventually have a business of my own as a wedding and/or portrait photographer. That would be a job I'd be PROUD to do... and I'd be my own boss.
Tell me I'm crazy and doubt my ability if you want to, but for now this is a dream I'm stuck on... now let's just see if I can make my dream come true. Maybe I'll get a slow start, and that's ok with me too. I still want, more than anything else, to be a SAHM and to be there for my kids. When they're a bit older and they're in school, maybe that is when my dream will really take off. Who knows? But it's fun to think about.

...moving along!

The days are getting better. I cannot and will not say they are perfect, and not a day goes by that I don't think about all that we've been through. Maybe that is because my physical recovery isn't over with... maybe that's because this has had such a big impact on my life (our lives)... and maybe it's a little bit of both. Maybe it's just too much to put in to words.

Every day I feel a little stronger though, and every day I feel a little more "normal," whatever that is.

We did learn from the hospital pathology report that this was most likely a random, natural occurrence. There were no signs of infection or anything to indicate miscarriage. As I've said all along, it was meant to happen. Most likely, a child has been spared a difficult life, and we've been spared a life of heartache.

I'm going to start looking for a job. Something small, something I won't necessarily feel too tied to once I'm pregnant again, should we still feel that staying at home with our kids is what's right for us. The job I look for will be something I can do while maintaining our household... and my status as a stellar wifey. I'm optimistic about my next pregnancy. Maybe it'll be less of a sickie-fest and I'll be able to keep working for some time into the pregnancy. Only time will tell.

Speaking of another pregnancy, some of you might be surprised to read about another pregnancy on our minds so soon after such a difficult time. For us, what's important is that we get our family. Ryan and I are both so eager to be parents, to start a family of our own... to count those little fingers and toes. The only way we'll get our little family started is to get right back out there and try again. We both realize, and will always remember, we're not replacing anything... anyone. We're just moving along!