The Attack of the Killer Spider: Part Two

It's no secret that I don't, ahem, get along with spiders and other insects very well, right? So imagine my utter horror when I looked up and discovered this:

I backed away slowly and, duh! I grabbed my camera. But then I panicked. How was I to remove the beast from my abode?? We've got high ceilings. Really high ceilings. What you see up there in that *shudder* photo is the corner between the wall and the ceiling.

So--smashing his brains out with a flip-flop was out of the question.

I briefly considered the length of the handle on my mini-vacuum. Maybe I could suck him into the vacuum? But then what, I wondered. Surely the sucking action wouldn't be enough to render him... uh. Dead.

So I did want any sensible girl would do.

I sent Ryan a text message. It read:

"reallyreallybigpider!! heeeeeelp meeeeee!!"

No reply. Men.

It's like he was at work or something.

So I attempted to go on about my day. I went for a shower, baby in tow. When we came back, he had repositioned himself over Camden's changing table. Visions of him leaping from the wall entered my mind as I hurriedly diapered the baby.

I swear on my Jimmy Choo's, he turned to LOOK AT ME when I moved from the changing table to the closet.

Confession: I don't have any Jimmy Choo's. But if I did, I would. Swear on them, that is.

I still hadn't come up with a plan of attack; so I carried on as usual, always an eye on the spider, lest he decide to fling himself across the room and land in my hair. Or something.

He stayed up there along the wall all through the afternoon and into the evening. Nighttime came, I couldn't see him. But I could *feel* him watching me.

...and wouldn't you know, when we woke up this morning, he was still there. Only he had repositioned himself again.

And my darling, oh-so-tall husband? He was home this time.

...and HE smashed his brains out. That'll show 'em.