Not looking forward to today...

Today just hasn't been getting any better.

On November 27th, I delivered our little Brody, and here I am, January 27th, two months later. This morning, AF showed up, to add to the list of things I'm not thrilled about on a day like today.

Tonight, Ryan leaves for Arizona.

And, something new has begun to interrupt my peaceful moments. Let me explain:

The house we live in is owned by Ryan's grandparents, and we're lucky enough to be living here rent-free, which is helping us to keep up with our big student loan payments, etc. Well, the house is in a somewhat less than desirable area, out in the toolies where things aren't as well-controlled, and the other day I came to find out that at one point in time a few years ago, methamphetamine was likely being made here. I don't think there was ever an actual "bust," and so it stands to reason, at least in my mind, that because there was no true "bust," there was no true clean-up either.

So, me being me, I started to think about the residual "stuff" left behind from "cooking" meth... on the walls, the floors, inside cabinets, in the attic, in the plumbing, the septic tank, etc., etc., etc. and so I asked about it during a conversation with some fellow miscarriage-survivors. One of the ladies was kind enough to Google search the topic for me, and she came up with this site. I started reading through the information on the site last night, looking for possible "effects" of meth lab exposure, and there it was... that dreaded word. Miscarriage. It was almost like the word had been underlined and italicized there on the page for me.

So now I'm trying to wrap my mind around this possibility, and quite frankly, I'm terrified. I feel like I've taken five giant steps backwards today, and I don't really see myself making up that lost ground before the day brings itself to an end. I sort of feel... stranded... today.